We Like Haruhi
by HappyBlushCalayapie
Summary: "Which one is going to… pop her cherry?" HikaHaru, KaoHaru, HikaKao oneshot.


Title: We Like Haruhi  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaruXHaruhiXKaoru, HikaKao

Flirting with Haruhi is a difficult and impossible task purely for one reason and one reason only: she isn't interested in _anyone_. Hikaru and I realized that if we ever wanted to have Haruhi all to ourselves, we were going to have to change our tactics.

Our current tactics involved us being perverted and suggesting to her that we all go find the nearest closet. That only pisses her off and makes her want to get away from us. She also does this thing where she pretends she doesn't know that somebody is asking her out or coming onto her unless she is asked very directly. The entire Host Club has been turned down _many_ times by her.

The Host Club's "King", Tamaki, is even dumber. He is the type that managed to dilute himself _so __**much**_ that he doesn't know that he likes her despite the fact that he's always coming onto her. If those two date, the entire world would probably crumble, and so I'm trying to keep Haruhi with us so that my brother won't sulk, so that I can have Haruhi, as well, and so that I never have to lose my brother. It's a pointless dream.

My brother and I are closer than brothers should be. If Haruhi doesn't want to go to a closet with us, we don't _need_ her with us and will go alone. He and I have done things like this since we first discovered our hormones, and saw nothing wrong with it. Suddenly, though, we find ourselves hanging around her more and more, and thinking that it would be fun to involve her in the things we like to do alone. If we fail that day, we rely on each other to make up for it.

Girls are dangerous, though. Girls can get pregnant. Girls make you fall in love. Girls will be the destruction of our world, and we're already on the path to destruction. They even make you feel much more than lust… it goes much deeper than that. It makes us ant to keep her all to ourselves because she's interesting and not like all of the other stupid girls that throw themselves at us.

She's unique. I think we fell in love with her the day she told us apart. She tells us apart all the time, now, without being asked. She knows us just about as well as we do, and that kind of frightens us, while at the same time is the most interesting thing that has ever happened in our lives.

She has the wrong reaction. We play game with her (without announcing that they are games), attempting to get the perfect reaction from her. When we toy with her, though, she almost _never_ lets it bother her, though. That one times with Hikaru eating a cookie from her mouth, and me licking crumbs off of her face… how in the Hell was it that she didn't _**blush**_? She didn't rebuff us, and rebuffed the King for "sexually harassing" her after we did that. Maybe that means she likes us, too?

Haruhi has never been over to our house. We've been over to hers, I'm surprised Hikaru never suggested asking her to come over. We could show her our bedroom, possibly drug her (if we decide we're desperate enough…) and everything else. We could stock up on condoms, buy her birth control pills every month… we'd go all-out to make sure nothing bad happened. There's one problem I just realized, though…

I don't know which one of us is going to pop her cherry.

"Hikaru?" I ask. It's time for me to bring this issue up.

"Yeah?" he replies.

"If we ever take Haruhi to bed, we'll be together with her, right? At the same time?"

"Yeah? So?"

"Which one is going to… pop her cherry?" he doesn't answer for a moment.

"I figured that we'd do it like this: I take the front, you take the back, and then we switch. You could find out what giving anal is like for a change rather than being on the receiving end. Technically, you'd be taking her virginity back there."

"But that's not her very special virginity that is _supposed_ to be taken! Are you telling me that you're going to be the one to break her hymen? I'm tired of putting what you want first!" that's the first time I've ever said that. For a while, I decided that Hikaru deserved Haruhi, but found myself being drawn to her as well. One day, when he found me fantasizing about her pretty face and special smile, he told me that he wanted to share her if anything ever happened between her and him. That was the day he told me that he was sure he liked her, and I told him that there was no need to worry about me and that he can have her. He yelled at me, and said it was both of us or only us, and said that that was the only possible way. I agreed. Either way, I'd never lose him.

"Putting _me_ first? What do you mean by that?" he asked. What the Hell? How could he not _know_?!

"Hikaru!" I yell. "I give you everything! I make sure you have the best because I'm not selfish like _YOU_!" great. Now we ARE fighting for real, this time…

"You're the selfish one! You tried to break us up and glue me to Haruhi and walk away! You're the type of person that throws the one you love into closets with another women and locks the door behind you, or ties us to a pole on a cruise liner and waves goodbye with a cheerful smile! You're the most selfish person I **KNOW**!"

"I did that because I saw that you liked her before you even realized those feelings!"

"And you scared the living crap out of me! I didn't now what you were thinking!"

"How will we share her, anyway? How in the HELL will we make such a thing work?!"

"Even Haruhi said that we should never be separated! EVER! We both desserve the best!"

"The best thing I'll ever get to do is take a woman's virginity, Hikaru. That's the best thing! I've lost my backdoor virginity, but that doesn't count! I've never made it with a woman!"

"Me neither! And I'm used to banging your ass, so I'm not as into the idea of sticking my cock up her ass as you'd think! I want her pussy!"

"Make a deal with me, then!"

"Like WHAT?"

"I'll let you exclusively date her the most if I can pop her cherry!"

"WHAT?! That wouldn't make sense! If I were dating her, and she fell for me more than you, she'd want ME to do it! And either way, you'll lose your virginity for real to her!"

"But she can only lose her virginity once!"

"She has virginity in her ass! Take that!"

"I want what you want!"

"She won't say yes to both of us cramming ourselves in her twat! That'd only make her want to get away from us and never talk to us ever again!" that made me go silent. If only there were two Haruhis…. But still, then one of us would have a copy, and the other would have the original. Really, she can only lose it to one of us. I soften my words, and look away from him.

"Hikaru, what're we gonna do? We're fighting over her… I never thought we would." I sound like I'm going to cry. I feel his gaze soften as he looks at me.

"Kaoru…" does he know how much it means to me when he says my name like that? It shows how much he cares about me. I always call his name, in and out of the bedroom. I wish he would do the same, sometimes. "I don't know. If this is how girls make us feel, I don't like the idea of falling in love. I'd rather stay with you and you alone, if that's the case." that hurts a little bit. I love my brother, and I always will the most.

"We could stop trying to rush her into our pants, and try to show her that we like her seriously." I suggested. "We can let her choose when the time comes. Then neither of us will be aloud to sulk because it was her choice." We're both silent for awhile, and then I feel him give me that familiar embrace, kissing me passionately, but not slipping his tongue in like usual. He pulls away a little bit so that our eyes meet.

"Until the day she chooses… let's stick together like we always have." I nod once in agreement, kissing him back. His kisses are addicting and drive me wild. I love him so much…

Until the day she chooses, my brother will love me every night and give me everything he's got. Until the day we decide if she's really, truly worth it or not, our bedroom door will be closed off from all the people in the outside world, keeping that haven as a place for only us.


End file.
